


see both sides

by hippopotamus



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: M/M, bi!jonas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-09 02:34:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11095092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hippopotamus/pseuds/hippopotamus
Summary: Sometimes, Jonas Noah Vasquez looks at boys more than he looks at girls.He doesn’t know why he does it, and he’s pretty sure that at 12 years old he should be looking at girls.And he is, sometimes.





	see both sides

**Author's Note:**

> got a prompt on the tumbz for bi!jonas so i did the thing bc johdi ok good  
> feel a bit odd writing not evak, but this was fun! i hope its not too crappioli but i feel like it is a lil idkkkkk

Sometimes, Jonas Noah Vasquez looks at boys more than he looks at girls. 

He doesn’t know why he does it, and he’s pretty sure that at 12 years old he  _ should  _ be looking at girls. 

And he is, sometimes.

He doesn’t really think about it much, anyway. He gets his first girlfriend, and he likes her, even though it only lasts two weeks. When she’s gone he lets his best friend Isak bitch about her, how she was too clingy anyway, taking Jonas away from Isak too much, and her voice was annoying. He isn’t really affected by the whole thing. He’s twelve, and it was a two week relationship.

He first hears the word “bisexual” when he’s 14 years old, and he doesn’t really think much of it. It’s something he hears in passing, barely mentioned in the sex ed class that he’s not really listening to, because  _ really? _ Aren’t they too old for this by now? 

He just doesn’t think of it. He likes girls enough not to, he calls himself straight, gets a couple more girlfriends, starting with Ingrid, who, when he thinks about it, he only liked her because she was pretty. Her personality left something to be desired. 

Her best friend, Eva, though, the one who’ll listen to him talking for hours, the one who sneaks glances at him when Ingrid looks away, he really does like her.

Isak’s getting grumpier by the day for some reason, and then Jonas kisses Eva, and loves it, loves her.

Even when they fuck it up a few months later, he still loves her, and he knows it was real.

It takes a while, a good few months and another girlfriend, to get over her, and he still hasn’t really given much thought to the fact that sometimes, undeniably, he sees boys, and thinks:  _ wow. _

He and Isak hang out one day in the city centre, and walk past Oslo pride. It’s such a vibrant celebration, and Jonas finds himself wanting to join in. Isak refuses, insisting over and over that Jonas said they’d go and get kebabs, even when Jonas gives him a confused look and explains patiently that “you don’t have to be gay to celebrate pride, Isak,” even though something about what he’s saying doesn’t seem to work, for either of them.

Isak huffs and walks off in the direction of the kebab house, giving Jonas no time to argue, and he’s a little disappointed.

Second year starts, and he hooks up with more girls at parties, and loves it. Although, the little voice in the back of his head is getting a bit louder, a bit more insistent, and sometimes, he lets himself imagine going home with that third year boy he was talking to, instead of the girl he went with instead.

He becomes better friends with Mahdi, who he knew last year, but this year they hang out more, chill together, spend time with each other. There’s something in his belly when Mahdi give him a sunshine smile, or talks passionately about anything, and especially when he laughs. Maybe it’s just friendship, Jonas thinks, brushing it off.

They’re at a pregame one night, and Mahdi tells him he looks good. He feels twelve years old again, and almost has to fight to keep a blush off his face as he shrugs a “thanks.”

But he doesn’t think about it, not really. He’s still hesitant to make it a real thing, for some reason. He doesn’t label it, or talk to anyone - least of all his best friend, because for some reason Isak is so distant these days.

And then Isak, completely uncharacteristically, pushes Mahdi, and Jonas is so worried about him, that he can barely even think about whether Mahdi’s okay, at least until Isak storms off. 

But when Isak does storm off, Jonas knows there’s no use going after him, and turns to Mahdi, placing a hand on his shoulder, and asking if he’s okay, trying to ignore the way it feels like pulses of electricity are travelling down his arm from Mahdi’s shoulder.

He sees Isak at school a few days later, and tells him that he’s there, if Isak ever wants to talk.

He makes a promise that if Isak talks, he will too.

Isak tells him on Friday, and it falls into place, everything that Isak’s been doing, and even everything that Jonas has been feeling himself. 

(When he asks if Isak has a crush on him, he wonders if he should be disappointed by the answer, but looking back, he’s never seen Isak that way, and that’s okay.)

He doesn’t say anything yet. He promised he would, but this is Isak’s moment. He’s proud of his best friend, and things are starting to click into place for him, but he’s not going to say anything yet.

He finally lets himself look it up though, research what exactly he is, spurred on by Isak’s confession. 

He considers not using a label. That doesn’t sit right with him.

He considers “heteroflexible”, but it’s not enough.

He wonders for a moment, whether he might be gay, but he dismisses it almost immediately. He remembers what he felt with Eva, he knows he looks at girls just as much as he looks at boys.

Finally, he lets himself accept it, whispers it out loud to his mirror. Bisexual. (With a major crush on one of his closest friends, but that’s a matter for another day.)

He helps Isak come out a few days later, and it’s such a relief for  _ him _ that Magnus and Mahdi take it well, so he can just imagine how Isak feels.

Mahdi says “pansexual”, and Jonas realises he doesn’t know what that is. He’ll look it up later, but he knows what he is, now. He’s bisexual. He just is.

Isak is so happy in the week that follows, and Jonas is close to confessing himself, he wants that same happiness, but then it’s complicated again, and Isak needs him, so he keeps his mouth shut some more. He’s managed it long enough.

When Isak fixes things, Jonas still doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t have a good reason any more, he just… doesn’t. 

They’re out in the schoolyard one day, and the group of dancers starts to approach them, and yeah, they’re beautiful, but Jonas’ first instinct is to look at Mahdi. And Mahdi looks back at him, gives him a warm smile, and that makes more sense than the girls at this point, though he still feigns annoyance at Isak’s refusal to get them an invite to their party.

In the end, he puts it off for another month. 

It’s halfway through January before he says anything. It’s increasingly just been him and Mahdi hanging out by themselves recently, Isak’s always off with Even, and Magnus is always off with Vilde.

They all hang out together sometimes, but it’s often just him and Mahdi that’ll go off to a party at the weekend, or hang out to play basketball after school, or go to the skatepark together. Jonas can’t pretend that Mahdi isn’t occupying a little too much space in his brain recently.

He’s slightly drunk and high when he comes out, slumped in a bathtub in a room full of smoke, although the others they’d been smoking with have left, so it’s just the two of them, and it sort of just slips out into the easy atmosphere.

“I think I’m bisexual,” he states, looking to the other side of the room instead of at Mahdi, although he knows he probably has nothing to fear from looking.

“I think I’m pansexual,” Mahdi answers, sounding completely unaffected, partly, Jonas thinks, because of how high they both are, but partly because he knows it’s not a big deal, for them. It’s fine, like he knew it would be.

“Oh, cool.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

And with a quick, reassuring smile at each other, that’s the end of that conversation.

There’s something else, though, after that night. Jonas spends a lot of time staring at his ceiling, convincing himself that  _ just because Mahdi likes boys, doesn’t mean he likes you _ , but it’s hard to shake the fact that he  _ could _ .

If he’d thought he noticed everything before, now it’s magnified by a hundred. The tiniest of interactions makes his heart race and the butterflies in his stomach start a hurricane with their wings. He hates that he’s this ridiculous about it, but at the same time, he can’t think of a better person than Mahdi, right now.

“We came out to each other two weeks ago,” Mahdi comments, when they find themselves slumped in another tub in another smoky room at a different party. One of his arms is swung around Jonas’ shoulders, and Jonas is trying very hard not to think about it.

“I’ll drink to that,” Jonas says, and raises his beer can. Mahdi gives him a grin and does the same.

They’re silent again.

“Do you reckon we should go back downstairs?” Mahdi says, turning his head to look at Jonas. “Our stash is empty now.”

“Nah,” Jonas replies. “Magnus and Vilde are probably still, you know,” he tails off, and Mahdi pulls a face.

“Yeah,” he agrees. “God.  _ Couples _ ,” he says, rolling his eyes.

Jonas laughs, probably a little longer and harder than he should because he’s not entirely sober right now.

The arm around his shoulder shakes as Mahdi laughs with him, and then tightens slightly - or was he imagining it?

He tilts his head back to rest against the tile wall, and turns his face towards Mahdi, to find Mahdi already looking at him, an unreadable expression on his face.

Jonas tries a smile, but doesn’t know if it works.

“I think I’m really fucking high right now,” Mahdi mutters, but doesn’t look away.

“Yeah,” Jonas agrees, “so am I.”

The arm round his shoulder’s moves a little, so that there’s a hand on the back of his neck, and yeah, he’s fucking high, but he’s also pretty convinced that this is real now.

_ Definitely real _ , he thinks, as he sees Mahdi’s gaze flicker downwards, and when he sees this he lets his own eyes shut, allows his senses to be taken over by the feeling of Mahdi’s lips against his own.

He loses track of time, then, and doesn’t care at all.

When they do break apart, he grins, and Mahdi returns it.

“Maybe,” Jonas tries, “maybe not  _ all _ couples are that bad?”

Mahdi nods, still grinning. “You might be right.”

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!   
> comments and kudos are appreciated!  
> tumblr is [here!](http://pansexualmahdidisi.tumblr.com)  
> love always xxx


End file.
